"I suppose there are people who can pass up free guacamole, but they're either allergic to avocado or too joyless to live."— Frank Bruni

Monday, April 18, 2011

someone please post this on Facebook

A Guide to Smartphone Manners




A Modest Proposal for a Digital Détente: 10 Rules to Make Sure Smartphones Don’t Make Us Stupid
1. Go ahead, glance at your phone at an incoming text. And please excuse yourself to respond to one that will immediately advance your plot to take over the world. But do not type under my nose. It hurts my feelings.
2. Phones should remain put-away during dinner and lunch with friends, but it should also be permissible to ask for and take a mutual “phone break” if the meal goes on for longer than an hour.
3. Do not use “instant message” for something that is not instant. That’s what e-mail is for, so I can time-shift your request to when I can deal with it. And for mercy’s sake, never use IM if you are a slow typist.
4. Staring at a smartphone in an elevator seems like a good deal for everyone. I mean, as opposed to what?
5. Do not think that tweeting about having a drink with me validates my importance. Having a drink with me validates my importance. Memorialize it later or when I am in the restroom.
6. Do not link all of your social media together. If I wanted to follow you on Foursquare, I would follow you on Foursquare. Finding out on Twitter that you are the mayor of the Boerum Hill IHOP doesn’t meet any current needs I have.
7. Put that “reply all” button behind glass. Use only in case of emergency.
8. Do not sign me up for a “really cool” social messaging group; I’m probably not cool enough for it. And even if I were, your list is likely full of people I try to avoid as a matter of course.
9. Do not hold private, banal conversation in public places. Going back and forth on Twitter with someone is the equivalent of using your outside voice in church or on the train. We are not interested.
10. Do not become a dynamo of self-promotion on social media as so many advise. If your Facebook page scans as an ego gymnasium, I probably stopped checking it years ago. Yes, social media is a great professional tool, but it is not supposed to serve as a hand-crank on your brilliant career.

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